HELP ME I'M LOST

It's been a while since my last post in English. I don't know why, but i think it's easier for me to express my feelings in Bahasa. And i must say, it's more fun. And while writing these entry, i find it hard to write again in English. I felt like lost for words to write and i keep making weird expression to just translate what's in my head. So, here goes nothing. :)

Just now, my cousin asked me why in the world do i wanted to become a Forensic? Some more, in post-mortem-dead-body-related field. Back then, when i was still in Primary School, i always think becoming a Lawyer is the coolest thing ever and i don't know why. I just did. However, as i grow up, my ambition started to change, especially since i started to learn Biology in Secondary School. I love to read, hence i practically memorized the whole Biology Text Book, and History of course. Since then, i know i want to get involve in Medical field.

And i was speechless. Like 5 minutes long of silence. I can't even complete my sentence. =____=

I was like 'emmm sebab mayat tak banyak songeh macam manusia, dan tak payah takut nak operate mayat sebab diorang memang dah mati'. Not a very convincing answer, i know. But that was all i can think about. And now, i feel a bit worried.

WHY I CANNOT ANSWER HIS QUESTION?

DO I REALLY WANT TO BECOME A FORENSIC?

HAVE I LOST MY PATH?

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

I don't know why, i just know i want to become one. You know, you just have the feeling which you cannot explain to others.
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"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know." -Jessica's speech in Twilight.

K BYE. X, ns.